5 October 2010 -- Just do me, now!

Good afternoon everyone!

I feel that most of you that know me, know that basically, I'm a friendly and outgoing girl.  However,  I have a very short tolerance meter.  When people start to get on my nerves, I am annoyed easily.  My sister would be the first to attest to that! :)  Either way, although I get frustrated maybe a little too quickly with people, essentially, I am a people-pleaser.  There's nothing I wouldn't do or give to make sure that the people I care about are happy and taken care of.

My struggle is in gaining my own happiness and self-worth through making others happy.  

Before I continue though, I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with trying to make others happy, I just have the tendency to compromise my own values, beliefs, goals, and etc. for others.  I am the kind of person that makes sacrifices, despite my own needs, in order to make someone else happy. 

This characteristic or shortcoming can also be called "codependency".  The below is a summary of the term from Mental Health America's website. 

"Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.

 They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior."

I have worked extremely hard over the past 3 years to think, act, and feel differently, in order to be more independent.  Recently though, I have slipped back into seeking outside approval to make me feel better.  This in fact, only enables the feelings of worthlessness more. 

Its' alright to want to be loved, desired, and needed, but the most important person in your life is you.  Once you let your own sense of self slip away, a person with co-dependency is on a dangerous path. 

I have learned to search for happiness within myself, in order to share happiness with others.  I have to focus on what needs to be changed within me and my attitudes, rather than what needs to be changed in others.  It is essential that I get refocused on me.  

I have to  JUST DO ME, now!  

Everyone has qualities, skills, and talents that are unique to them.  Develop your talents.  Take pride in who you are.  Be understanding and empathetic, but don't change what makes you special. 

Anastasia

Always remember:  "If you don't love you, who else will?"


For more help on freeing yourself from codependency:

Co-dependents Anonymous
PO Box 33577
Phoenix, AZ 85067
Phone:
  (602) 277-7991 {This number provides only meeting information}
  (888) 444-2359 {Toll free}
  (888) 444-2379 {Spanish toll free}
Website: http://www.coda.org/