I've been avoiding this topic for some time now, but I think I'm ready to talk about it.
I know one thing about romantic relationships: I f*ck them up. Not intentionally, but because I really just don't know anything about how to be with another person.
People tell me "Oh, you aren't ready to be with someone until you can learn to be with yourself."
But- I'm okay by myself. I get things accomplished. I like who I am and am confident. I have solid friendships. I am generally happy, and self-sufficient. I know my strengths. I know my weaknesses.
What I DON'T know is how to be that way when I am IN a relationship! I think I need relationship practice and coaching, WHILE in a relationship! I'm not talking about "relationship counseling" or anything of that nature- I'm talking about immediate (outside) feedback when I do something "healthy" or "right" in a relationship, as well as "unhealthy" or "wrong" in one- or reinforcement.
That's the way we were raised right, on reinforcement?
These are all the teaching methods I know of, in my experience teaching and coaching. You give the child immediate feedback when an action is carried out. "Yes, good. Do that again," or "No, bad. Never do that again."
I guess you can say that in a sense, your partner's reaction is reinforcement in itself, however, what if their feedback is reinforcing unhealthy behavior?
Does anyone else think this much? :)
Anastasia
Always remember: "It's okay not to have all the answers"
Always tell the painful truth...in a loving caring, slightly humorous way.
ReplyDeleteRemember too that if you are attracted to the wrong kind of person...it is your fault. Don't try to change them. Accept the person's weaknesses as you accept your own...if you really want a relationship with that person.
Thanks for your insight Jules! :)
ReplyDeletex Anastasia x
I agree to the fullest... I feel like I am in your shoes Anastasia. I know that I have accomplished a lot on my own and can be by myself very well (if that makes sense). I know I want someone by my side, to share the good times, and the few that are not so good. But can't ever seem to be satisfied with any of the guys that I end up with.
ReplyDeleteI have asked myself, and others, several times, what is the problem? ... and I am still clueless?!?!
Don't forget to fill out your "law of Abundance" check <3 ...see: http://www.maryannwinkowski.com/html/lawabundance.html
ReplyDeleteLove, light, and laughter, Auntie Sherry
I hear ya Anastasia!! I was actually thinking that recently....the part about being strong, independent, productive when I'm on my own, but then I get into a relationship and those things seem harder to be. I am doing the coaching thing in a way now. I am in a relationship and I have someone that I talk to about everything so I can learn how to be healthy in a relationship. I think a lot too ;)-
ReplyDelete